i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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