Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
