Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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