Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
