just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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