so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
