actually, I'm a sock model
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
