You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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