I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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