John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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