why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
