She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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