i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
