i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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