apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
