My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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