mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
