U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
