im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
