I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
