1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
