went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
