Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
