Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
