If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
