I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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