It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
