well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
