my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
