WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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