yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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