so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
