My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
