Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
