Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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