Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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