dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
