My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
