he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
