the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love accidental penises.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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