Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
