You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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