Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
