Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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