he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
