I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No subtext here. People are naked.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
