I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
