Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
