is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
