Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
