you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
