he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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