a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
